I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
