if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
