I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
