Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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