Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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