I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
