if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
