the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
God, I missed his penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
