my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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