Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
