Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
