margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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