I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
