Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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