he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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