I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
