my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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