The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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