just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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