i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
