I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
