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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
