Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
