Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
