I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
