i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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