someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
