What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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