Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
