whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
