its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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