i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
