i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
