dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
