I feel like I'm in dance class right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
