I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
