There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
