do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
