Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
