I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
