Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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