Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
