Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
