Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
