East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
