Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
