my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
