Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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