He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
