Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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