dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
